Woman Withholds Financial Assistance From Pregnant Daughter in an Effort to Teach Her a Lesson, Daughter Accuses Her of Bad Parenting

Author image for Sienna Varady
Sienna Varady
Jul 18, 2024 6:00 AM EDT

Your first focus should always be your family. Having said that, who do you rank higher on your list of priorities—your spouse or your kids?

The daughter of the original poster (OP) is stubborn. At the youthful age of 18, OP's daughter married her high school sweetheart. The two of them had two children together. Sadly, the daughter's first marriage ended, and she moved on to remarry a few years later. Instead of living in the now and appreciating each moment, OP's daughter is obsessed with starting the perfect family and demands that her husband adopt the kids from her previous marriage. As a result, the couple embarked on a shared legal adventure that ultimately left them insolvent and in desperate need of financial help. Thus, the two approached OP and asked for her money, to which they were met with a refusal.

That said, if you want to know exactly what was said and whether OP complied with her daughter, make sure to read the story below! Additionally, after you're done, don't forget to read this piece where Redditors discuss the small pleasures that add delight to each day!

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  • 01
    7797 "Help!"
    via canva
  • 02
    AITA for refusing to financially support my pregnant daughter and her family?
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 03
    Let me give some history on my daughter and her life to explain why we're in this position. My daughter was 18 when she told me she wanted to marry her boyfriend of a year. My husband and I (both 60s currently) did not want to see her get married so young, either of them, and we advised them to wait and keep dating. To live life a little first. His family had the same response. So to "show us all" they could do it, they went and got married at the courthouse with just some of their friends as wi
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 04
    married my husband and I tried to be supportive without getting in the way. They were so young but also old enough to make decisions for themselves and we did not want to be those parents who step in and make things worse again. The marriage was doomed from the start but they had two children together. My grandson Indigo (now 12m) was first and he was followed by my granddaughter
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 05
    Skye (now 11f). My grandchildren were loved but their parents were not happy together. Their dad was not a good husband to my daughter, but he was an excellent father and my daughter was not a good wife to their dad but she was a good mom. He d a few days before my granddaughters 5th birthday. My daughter found love quickly afterward and married her current husband even faster than her first.
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 06
    From the time they said I do, my daughter and her husband have spent tens of thousands trying to make my grandchildren his. They went to court for him to adopt them but the judge asked to speak with the children and said no after their meeting. They appealed the decision and lost again. They paid thousands for a therapist to speak in court about the benefit of adopting for the kids. The court assigned their own therapist and denied the request again. The
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 07
    only real "break" from this was when the courts were only handling emergency hearings and adoption requests were delayed due to the p ic. But once they could they were back at it. My husband and I asked why our daughter didn't wait to allow the kids the choice. But she wouldn't hear tell of it. They borrowed money to pay for these therapists and lawyers and court fees. Each time the request to adopt was denied by a judge.
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 08
    Now my daughter is pregnant by her husband and they do not have the money they once did. It all went on the many failed attempts to adopt my grandchildren. My daughter turned to us (husband and myself) about a month ago now and shared how tight their finances are and asked for our help financially. My husband and I told her we would discuss it but we're on the same page, we do not feel we should help. We feel like doing so will allow our daughter and her
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 09
    husband to continue this pointless adoption pursuit and is not in the best interest of the family. My daughter was furious when we told her no. She asked how we can turn our backs on family. She has said we are clearly not fit to be parents or grandparents. AITA?
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 10
    • . secondarytrash 1 day ago · edited 17 hr. ago NTA. I get her wanting her new husband to legally be the children's father now that they're married - but there was no reason to sink all of their money into it that many times. I assume they all lived together? Why was it so important for it to be on paper to the point
    via u/secondarytrash
  • 11
    that you'd sink money into it that many times, instead of waiting to a point for the kids to consent - if at all. Why do we force these things on children? Maybe they feel no one can replace their biological father, even now that he's gone. Maybe they accept new husband, or even stepdad, but not legally dad. (Edit to add - now that we know the kids do not want this, it's even more s ed to try to force it just because they're minors)
    via u/secondarytrash
  • 12
    This isn't like sinking all your money to just gain custody back of your kids, you're sinking all your money into a document. basically. It can say your dad - if the kids don't accept you as dad, the paper doesn't truly matter
    via u/secondarytrash
  • 13
    They're adults. Unless they're part of the rare 1% where contraceptives didn't work - then don't have unprotected s if you can't financially afford the results of it.
    via u/secondarytrash
  • 14
    ShowMeTheFunny22 1 day ago • More important, why is the court refusing the request? There's something going on that we're not being told.
    via u/ShowMeTheFunny22
  • 15
    bythebrook88.23 hr. ago OP mentions that the children are consulted at each attempt to adopt. It seems like the kids don't want the adoption process in confidential settings, and that's why it has been repeatedly declined. The question to OP's daughter is, why are you doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result?
    via u/bythebrook88
  • 16
    moonlightetsunshine 1 day ago NTA. And if I were you, I'd be concerned about Indigo and Skye. If they b w up at you about this, they most likely will blame the children as well. Based on the continued blockage from the courts as well as the children for the adoption, I'd be very worried about them. Maybe check in with your grandchildren privately if you can.
    via u/moonlightetsunshine
  • 17
    • Dry_Acanthaceae_1296 OP 23 hr. ago I am concerned. But I don't think it will be a problem of him ignoring them or moving onto his biological child and forgetting them. I think the new baby will make them double down on their efforts more. So they can have their perfect family and forget the past and the kids late father.
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 18
    BeMandalorTomad 1 day ago • Wow. I'm happy that she is a good mom. She doesn't sound like a good adult. Money is finite. This adoption pursuit, even with the best of intentions, should have ended after the judge met with the children. Clearly they did not want to be adopted by the new husband and that should have been that.
    via u/BeMandalorTomad
  • 19
    Instead they chose to bankrupt themselves. Why? So the step dad feels accepted by her children? So he's an authority figure? So he doesn't feel like he stepped into another man's shoes? Anyway. Irresponsibility on her part does not make it a burden for you and your partner.
    via u/BeMandalorTomad
  • 20
    bspanther71 23 hr. ago I'm not even sure she is a good mom. Would a good mom put all this effort into forcing adoption on children who clearly don't want it?
    via u/bspanther71
  • 21
    BeMandalorTomad · 23 hr. ago • You make an excellent! OP said she was a good mom during her first marriage, but maybe that didn't continue. I agree. She sounds more focused on her love life than her children at this point.
    via u/BeMandalorTomad
  • 22
    Dry_Acanthaceae_1296 OP · 23 hr. ago As much as it pains me to admit this, it is true. She was a much better mom before. Now she is putting her wishes and her husband's wishes before the children. She doesn't want to be reminded of their dad. She has argued he was an awful husband to her and I
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 23
    would never say she's wrong. But he was an amazing father to those kids and deserves to be remembered as such. She refuses to see that refusing to do so is hurting her kids and presenting her husband as their dad now is harming the kids and her relationship with them.
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 24
    BeMandalorTomad · 23 hr. ago That breaks my heart. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel watching all of this unfold.
    via u/BeMandalorTomad
  • 25
    • Dry_Acanthaceae_1296 OP 23 hr. ago It's very difficult. I worry a lot about my grandchildren but there is nothing we can really do. We can be there as much as possible for our grandchildren. But if the trouble with our daughter continues we will be limited in access, I can assume. The kids miss their dad. They tell us that a lot. They wish he was still here. I hate that
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 26
    he's not. They adored him and he adored them. I know his family doesn't get to see them as much either anymore and that's upsetting too. There's just so much going on that I wish we could put a stop to all of this but our hands are tied.
    via u/Dry_Acanthaceae_1296
  • 27
    AHOY Final_Figure 7150 · 22 hr. ago Partassipant [3]| ΝΤΑ Your daughter needs to actually listen to her children, or she'll not see them again as soon as they both turn 18. She's so blinded by this idea of the " perfect family" that she'll lose her kids in the process.
    via u/Final_Figure_7150
  • 28
    Longjumping_Hat_2672 19 hr. ago Yeah, she sounds so stubborn to the point of being delusional. And she'll be shocked when her kids are out the door the second they're 18, sobbing "My kids won't talk to me anymore and I have no idea whyyyyyyy!"
    via u/Longjumping_Hat_2672

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